God's Own Country

When I had to take a few days off from work to go to Kerala to be with my in-laws and visit a few temples and relatives, I jumped at it because I badly needed a break from my work (ok, I hate my work. Any chance to get away from it is like an invitation to a party where your company is paying for the booze). So off I went to God’s own country; amidst nonstop rains which in Bangalore would have caused unimaginable traffic chaos… Wait; that is not something new. So here I was traveling from one village to another by bus, auto or train – marveling at the lush green landscapes, wondering about how many fucking shades there were of green, listening to my favorite songs, getting “is-she-mendal?” looks from co-passengers for mouthing the lyrics to the songs and moving my head as I did it.

Temples in Kerala have poojas at unbelievable hours, which meant not enough sleep for the little baby that I am (stop smirking!), and every now and then I’d fall asleep during the bus journeys, only to be duly woken up by the bus as it went through potholes in between which some road peeped out. But I wasn’t complaining because I always woke up to breathtakingly beautiful sights that, as I mentioned, took my breath away. Lot of puttu-kadala and pazham-puzhungiyadu (Dear Mallus, you could eat bananas even without boiling, you know?) later, I was standing in the Guruvayoor temple beside the elephant there and had this amazingly heartfelt conversation with him. Then there was this little cat that was playing within the temple that purred so nicely when I was petted her, much to the disapproval of the mother-in-law. Mother-in-laws exist. Even in God’s own country!

By the end of my stay at Kerala, I couldn’t wait to get back to work. The place was right out of a post-card, but I had had enough. I needed to be back in a city that is polluted and traf-fucked where I had a manager to bitch about. But ever since I came back to Bangalore (and to work), I have been hating it. And as often, I want to run away to a far off place where I know nobody. I want to live in a new city, explore it, make new friends, work there in a cross-cultural environment, not think about what to cook after reaching home every night, not worry about eating out all the time – spend a few months with not a care about anything. The wild cat inside me threatens to get out.

Somebody find me a job in Spain. Mallorca to be precise.

Dream on...

Never give up on your dreams, no matter how far-fetched or silly or impossible they are to become reality. Who knows; it might work out some time – by working hard towards it, by luck or by sheer power of thought. I was having this discussion with a colleague of mine about what we wanted from life. Our thoughts were quite similar – we both wanted to go outside of our respective countries (he is from Holland and I am from India), both of us want to work in Spain, but are too scared about what we have to leave behind or lose if we did what we wanted to. But we keep talking about the idea – what can be done to make it happen, giving up because there was no realistic way we could do it, then dreaming about starting our own company there, our roles in the company, whether Rafael Nadal can be employed there – all silly thoughts, that would just remain thoughts and nothing more.

But then the insane mind starts working, it starts thinking that moving to Spain (throwing whatever I have got here down the drain), with nothing but our own stupid minds and thoughts, no plausible idea that would help us earn our bread whatsoever – and I start liking the thought more than ever before. The very fact that something is impossible to attain makes it more exotic. The unpredictability factor is the most intriguing of them all. I am still thinking about it because I want to do it someday or the other, against all odds, sacrificing quite a few things and then say to the world, “See, it was not impossible”. No, it is more of proving to myself that it was not impossible than to the world.

It is so hard to let go of what we have and go after our dreams for fear of failure, fear of whether we would get something better, fear of having to lose what we have and fall flat on our faces – but that is a choice we have to make. We have got to leave something to gain something. Only in this case, you might end up losing what you have and not gain anything at all. Too risky, but too tempting. But every time I think about it the urge to do it is so overwhelming.

I mean, we will never know if we made the right choice or not without actually making it. Life is not something that could be simulated in a Test environment before being moved to Production. (Ahh, I should probably take a break from work). May be I should take a break from work and go to Spain. And do what there? I don’t have a clue. You get the drift. This is how my mind works. Whatever I think of, will eventually lead to Spain. And then stop there because it hits a dead-end – I don’t know any further.

It sounds crazy. But I believe completely in the power of thought and I have an intuition that I will someday be led towards that by destiny (ok, now I am just talking crap about destiny and all), but now I won’t be afraid to take the plunge when opportunity arrives. It may lead me to failure but I should still be fine because I was the one that wanted it. It was MY idea, MY interest, what MY mind told ME to do. No reasoning required.

Yet, it is true that you have to think about how your decision impacts others’ lives. But if you keep thinking about it, you are going nowhere – just staying in the same stagnant water as millions of others. You should have the courage to do what you want to do and be proud to do it because then, you would be one in a million and trust me, no matter how bad the consequences are, you would be proud enough to shout it out from the rooftop just because you had the will to do what others can only dream of.

Too preachy? Well, this is what I am telling to myself – like a self-realization thing. Sigh… I hope I have the courage to follow what my heart wants. Ok, now it just sounds like a stupid candy-floss Bollywood movie. Pardon me for that!